| 1,000,000aire! | Earn $1000000 lifetime |
| 100,000aire! | Earn $100000 lifetime |
| 500,000aire! | Earn $500000 lifetime |
| Back Taxes | Win all prizes in Episodes 1-73 |
| Beast Master | Get 10 animal questions correct (excluding DLC) |
| Button Banger | Get a multiple choice question right in the first 2 seconds |
| Consolation Prize | Play 5 hours without getting a single achievement |
| Discover Gauntlet of Fire | Find the very important gauntlet of fire |
| DisOrDash | Ace a DisOrDat in under 10 seconds |
| DisorDat Destroyer | Answer all 7 DisOrDat items correctly |
| DisOrDat Participation Award | Complete DisOrDat in 30 seconds |
| Film in Your Brain | Get 10 movie questions correct (excluding DLC) |
| Genius for a Day | Score at least $30,000 over your average |
| Great Crowd | Laugh at a an easy joke |
| It's Just More of This | Finish an episode |
| Jack Attack Dog | Get all 7 Jack Attack questions correct without messing up in a 2-player game |
| Living in the Past | Get 10 history questions correct (excluding DLC) |
| Mouth-Breather | Achieve third-highest rating achievement |
| My First Time | Screw someone for the first time |
| One Teat Short of an Udder | Achieve second-highest rating |
| Overconsumer | Listen to all commercials after one episode |
| Perfect Attendance | Play episodes 1-73 |
| Phatty | Get 10 food questions correct (excluding DLC) |
| Quick-Draw McDumbass | Choose wrong answer within the first 3 seconds 10 times |
| Slack Attack | Get -$1 million on a jack attack |
| Smelt the Roses | Get a multiple choice question right in the last 1 second |
| Social Outcast | Finish 5 single-player games on Friday or Saturday nights |
| Taking It from Behind | Come from behind to win during the Jack Attack in a 2-player game |
| The Game's Half Empty | Play episodes 1-37 |
| The Game's Half Full | Play episodes 1-36 |
| Turncoat | Play on July 4th instead of celebrating America |
| Unicorn | Achieve highest gamer rating |
| Vidiot Savant | Get every question right in an episode |
